a · tea · party

this will be long but it will be a look in to what it is to be me
i often think about song's like dont stop believin by journey
and wonder what would i be like if that had been me kinda like this nostaljik mellomcolie
-is that spelled ok- and i wonder about the days to come and i wonder if just maby they may be more to what i had dreamed of for so lone and to day was a wonderfull day it was all that chistmas should have been i was gifted with sight with wormthe with spirit with frinds and good cheer eben though the early comeing it is lone lasting and i wonder just how much longer i or any one will have for a long time it feels like the wonder of are being is falling and i cant think of any resion we should let it. it must be definded by at leat one man at atime that there should all was be a reminder to the free thinking of are founding fathers and it is a tagity when man let the bold fall down to the mud. am i realy that much of a ratical to think we need rto stop to heal to learn to understand are reality we are going so fats and it can only end in are desint to ruin am i the only one that sees the enabeitable close to this play. the choris is trajik one must only open and ear to the cry for salvation will one truly rize up in protis and say screem un-fair un-fair my fist your stick i want a good fair understanding world but i can not say that i see that being the finaland still all i want is to run a on-profet tea shop traviling areout the country i just want to travil and drink tea and debate and convers with my fellow human's to learn and grow as a one to help the whole-is that right- but i fear that to soon i shall have to take up fist and fight tooth and nail to the end and i fear that man kind will end its self befor it can change for the better the one as the whole as it was not so long ago and is only 300 if that many we have taken the best idea and perverting it so that we find consulte if mutation

you all know mw in one way or anothe and know me to be ernis and sincer to a falt
and want nothing more than to be a hummble tea seller to the massis for the one to the meany
i will endever ot help in all sinceraty

and in this i wish only to know that im not the only one that has fell asleep to a troble-some sleep

is this not based in logic and resion-the spellinh not so sure.. in fact ever think about the wors"sure" sounds like it should be spelled sher an H a bloody H i teel you- sorry that realy urks me..

the world just looks so bleek and help-less lost hungry orphen child starveing on its own flesh and in the end i feel even the ack's of man and fath will fall to diar intent-?- and still all i want it a bloody tea party with friends in deep-wood salem oregon and alas i feel that is still long off and even so i may be absent from here by that time if it comes at all

and in conclusion i wish to say to my friends that i have and all ways hope the best for you each and every one and i want nothing but the world to you each and every one

and any thing i do i do for you all in one way or another that is truly the best i have to give

and now i say good by
Sinerly Isaac H Cook

im siting here down-lode-ing muzak for a friend
well the friend of one of my dearest friends to say
most-ly metallic in hopes to get some pain meds
from him for my knee and back so to pass the time i
was organizing my muzak folder putting song here and
there having a cup of tea and smoking have to wake
up at 8 in the morn-ing to go to port-land and have a
tooth pulled he only wants 29 songs but with dile up
inter web access it have now been 3 days since i started
given that i can only go on-line at night and sit in a chair
which hurts my back to no end but all this is mean-ing-less
as to the fact that i never have tea partys any more
i wish i could get out and meat people that would like
this kind of thing in Salem there are like two or three humans
that enjoy that sort of thing but one is all ways out of town one
is now living in kisser -not spelled like that-
and the last one is in vililea cal i would love to make a community that went out and had tea party's in industrial areas and places to that ambiance but even if i tryed to
find humans like that in Salem i doubt i would have much luck
but i really need to try and sleep now by by

im siting here down-lode-ing muzak for a friend
well the friend of one of my dearest friends to say
most-ly metalilca in hopes to get some pain meds
from him for my knee and back so to pass the time i
was organizing my muzak folder putting song here and
there haveing a cup of tea and smokeing have to wake
up at 8 in the morn-ing to go to port-land and have a
tooth pulled he only wants 29 songs but with dile up
inter web access it have now been 3 days since i started
given that i can only go on-line at night and sit in a chair
which hurts my back to no end but all this is mean-ing-less
as to the fact that i never have tea partys any more
i wish i could get out and meat people that would like
this kind of thing in Salem there are like two or three humans
that enjoy that sort of thing but one is all ways out of town one
is now living in kisser -not spelled like that-
and the last one is in vililea cal i would love to make a community that went out and had tea party's in industrial areas and places to that ambiance but evenb if i tryd to
find humans like that in salem i dout i would have much luck
but i realy need to try and sleem now by by

i have tryed foe years to controle my emotions its a veary hard thing to do
one dose not know just how powerfull emotions can be but it seems that every now and then i let some out and for the most parts i have had "for the lack of spelling a better statment" bad out comes for my lapsis in this aspeket of my life but once in a while it tunrs out kinda ok meaning that my life is un afected by it in a negutive way but time could prove that im deemed to keep it all in side and i came to terms with that a long time ago i seem to be fitted for a strange and isolated life and that kinda makes since if you... if i think about it i have all ways felt a little out there in regards to the human race but i did feel like i was going to go i dont know something if i did not let this out i have felt this once befor and the out come was less than acseptable to me but i could not let it knowen just how it hurt me i cant be that person i have to be better than that i have to be the strong emotionless abstraked conseped that sits and watches and helps the ones that cant control there emotions but in no way is being an emotional being wrong or bad in fact its what makes humans wonderfull its some thing i was alloude to cultivate in my early years..... i think this represion is makeing me lose it humans where ment to express emotion and not to and in fact to strive to cut them off all together is..has to be dameging to the mind....what do you think inter web land is it posable to go insane by stoping your emoyions but i will probably die from some lung problem so i hope that takes me first cuss in all honisty i fear madness in the most literal term the most of all for in the end for all that i am its my mind that makes me diffrent that any one else... the way it thinks and operats... thers some thing to be said about a trumitising child hood good night inter-web-land

Sincerely Isaac The Hatter

any one that knows me will know that if i conceder you a friend there is nothing i wont do to help you my friend-ship in uncondestional and unwaveering the trust i have in the few people i call friends and all i ask is that at all times you be honist with me and if you find some fault with me that you tell me what you think i did wrong so that i may better understand my self and how i interact with humans i have never been able to express emotions well and that has alowed me to be the one that people come to for help and i hope that my opinon is trusted by my friens to that degree i have never given advise with any hidden agenda and for that all i want it honasty and condidness when you find me at fault and when i am treated like some worthless lieer and cheat it hurts even me i have all ways tryd to be the one person that people could ask for help and advise and that my friends would know that i would never hurt or desive even if it meant my life it takes a lot of self control to remove my personle feelings from my judgment and addvise and i hope that all the friends i have left know that i want nothing nut honisty and truthfull ness from you and i will do any thing to help you any way i can its the only thing i can take pride in the only thing i have is my word and my honer to be the one that will help who ever needs a sholdre to cry on and with that i give you this


i want to cry
i want to screem
i want to crawl in to a hole and die..
but its never that simple
this hole in my souls will never heal over
its a part of me that i can never get back


i want to screem and yell and hate you
i want to pull all of these memorys out of my mind
i want to erase you from my exsistanse
but i need this pain
this hole in side me
i wll never forget you
i will remember you for ever
and i will never let this go
i need this to make me hard
i was a kind
understanding soul
but now i wil;l become a dark and lonely shadow i will let this cold rainy night change me i will become a monster
so i never have to feel like this again...

i have lost
i have lost my soul
you have become my enamy
you have created a monster
that will in the end devouer your light
that will show you your own privet hell that we now shear
this is what you have done
now i find comfort in my desent in to this dakr filth reden hell
my friend is this what you wanted
cus this is what you get
a world full of regret and hate...
know you will know the feeling of my soul as i no longer slime as the rain drownds us both....


this night i look up ant the starless sky though tnis dark and grimy window
and say good bye to it all to you to me to the world that made this monster that now drags you down to hell ...

and still i have not given up on humans even if i am left anlon at the end i will die being the one in the middle trying to help every one

this is what it means to be a hatter
this is what it means to be me
and i can be nothing but me
Sincerely your friend Isaac The Hatter Cook

so to night i founde my self rideing arouhnd down town to retreiv an unbrella and to my surprise i founde a party to meat a fary wide range of humans to the degreay that i would find my self interactimng to the pounte of fast friends it was wonderfull i even got somw art stuff for the drop in paint brushies and fine paint to help dearly to the ernd of suplieing the drop inn with an ubundent suplye of artistik suples aya but for now im going to worke on my film red:light-black so far well my dear friends that read my innane thoughts good will to you all

Sincerely Isaac The Hatter Cook

or around there some where
but iv been downlonding a lot of muzak from SoulSeek
and as i was down lodeing this song duvet from this person
have no idea who it could be and all of a suden i get this IM from them
saying hi but i did not know it was that person so im trying to remember if i met this person be for in a room on SS but soon it comes up that they wanted to know who was down londing the song from them so we start talking and it turns out the it is a she and she lives in south korea and she is sudeing English lit there so its kinda fun to chat with some on so far away
but for you that dont know the song Duvet it is the opening song for lain by far the best anime of all time and i am going to try to atach a file so you all can hear it


so this video has some clips from the game that was never put out in the us i think dont hold me to thatwell i hope you watch it it is realy awsome if i do say so my self

tierd and dreamy thinking of that smile again drownding and content as all ways
seeing the stars fall one after the other
hopeing for a little darkness to hide the truth i fear so much
walking endlessly needing to find that smile again felling a little lost
in this city i have come to know so well blind as a bat i couls find my own shaadow
stumbeling like a drukerd sober as can be but just a little hazey wondering if this is you leading me again with that smile fading a little every day i cant cry for a soul that lost its self in its own swamp
cold and getting colder every minet i stay awake to see you sleep my dreems are colections of dieing memorys loseing meaning every night i stay awake and watch you slip away happaly smile all thw while you sell your self out for the smallist doller and we will never dance or sing to-gether and we will never see the stars apear to gether again and we all smile as the sun comes up again to show us what we realy lost as we held in are tears that night so sing somthing and ill dance some where and mabey we'll meat that night to gether againg